Well, I’ve had five pregnancies now and without getting too
technical I can tell you that my platelet count has gone down each pregnancy. The
medical term for this is pregnancy induced thrombocytopenia. Fancy schmancy for
my platelets (which are supposed to be 150,000 – 400,000 and run on the low
side normally) get down below the “normal” mark when I get pregnant. So it
should not come as a shock to anyone when they do this again, right? Yeah, you
would think…but not so.
I get a call from the Dr’s office this morning that goes
something like this. Oh, but first you should know that my thoughts are in
italics and my actual words are in quotation marks…they’re drastically
different.
“Hi, this is Suzy (We’ll call her
Suzy) from Dr. X’s office. We got the results from the blood we drew on Friday
and your platelets have continued to drop” Um…duh….
“and so Dr. X has ordered you to have more blood drawn. Where do you want to
have it drawn?”
“OK, what was the platelet count
and what does she want drawn?”
Nurse Suzy reluctantly gives me the
answers including the fact that the draw we are doing is for autoimmune
diseases, there are technical names but seriously it’s all like, ‘blah, blah,
blah.’
WTH…this
happens EVERY time. Do we really think that it’s suddenly an autoimmune problem?
So I say, “Well, I have a really
busy day today and tomorrow, can this be done later in the week?”
“No, this has to be done today,
tomorrow at the latest.”
Let me just take a break here from the conversation to say
that I don’t HAVE to do anything. Ok, maybe I have to breathe but that’s only
if I don’t want to pass out and then die. This probably highlights some deep
problem with authority or something that I have but seriously, don’t tell me I
have to do anything. That’s pretty much the quickest way to make me ignore you.
So now, I’m mad. Are you kidding me? Do I really have to drop everything to get
a test done for a problem that we’ve dealt with five times now?
Then
Nurse Suzy asks again, “Where do you want to have it done? Here or the
hospital?”
“Your
office would be easier”
“Hmmmm,
well, I’m not sure I can fit you in and I’m trying to think if any of these
tests have to get to the lab within a certain amount of time…”
THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME????
“Well
then, you might as well send it to St. Charles”
At this point I hang up and consult with my medical counsel
who says, “Just tell them ‘no.’” I almost fell out of my chair. That was not
the answer I expected. Then he says, “Didn’t the hematologist do these tests
before. Call back and find out if we’re duplicating tests.
So I call back and probably give the receptionist a headache
when I refuse to leave a message and insist that I’ll hold for the NP. Yeah, I’m
a pain like that.
After talking to the NP who says she’ll look for the prior
tests she then says, “But can I get back to you though because we’re kind of
busy right now.”
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHH…..I’m not the one who made
this sound so urgent that all my little platelets will keel over and die if I
don’t get the test done in 30.5 seconds.
But I
say, “Sure.” See people….I have self-control and tact and I actually use it
sometimes.
Turns out they can’t find any results from this particular
previous test so she called back and told me that the Dr. so generously told me
I can bump the test back to Wednesday.
I readily acknowledge that I have a problem with medical personnel,
especially when I feel things aren’t necessary but I’m not completely
unreasonable. Why must we use phrases like, “You HAVE to” and “It’s OK with me
if you move your test back a day.” Is she the freaking Queen of England? Dern
straight it’s OK with you. It’s either Wednesday or nothing.
This all ended with Matthew suggesting that I sign a waiver
the next time I’m in the office to give him access to all my medical
information. This is probably a good idea. I'm usually very serious when I say my favorite Dr. is Dr. Pepper. It is completely ironic that this is my husband's chosen profession. Maybe I should just let him do the
talking from now on or I may end up getting myself sedated.
