Birthdays

Birthdays are funny things.  I've spent most Octobers counting down until my birthday.  I usually celebrate a Birthday Month, the celebrating gets more intense in my Birthday Week, and finally when the 25th arrives I announce at the top of my lungs to anyone and everyone that it's my Birthday!  I'm really not shy.  This year hit me pretty hard though, 30, UGG.  To top it all off, Matt started a new rotation and I knew we weren't going to get to spend any time together today.  I was prepared to have a really sucky birthday.  Now, I am an eternal pessimist.  My motto is, "If I'm a pessimist I'm either always right or pleasantly surprised."  My mother doesn't appreciate this line of thinking, but then she's the one who heard on the news that if you're optimistic it means there is an abnormality in your brain.  


Today, I was pleasantly surprised.  I can't believe all the love I got.  I appreciate all of you who went out of your way to welcome me into "Club 30."  It was a great day with even a present from Jesus.  I happened to remember an ad I saw about New Balance shoes for cheap. (Having "Fat German Feet" and high arches, NB are the only kind of tennies I can wear)  I looked on the day that the ad was listed, but wasn't interested in that particular style.  I felt prompted to check again today and found just what I wanted for less than 30 bucks and the site had free shipping for today.  Yay, God!


Yeah, so, blah, blah, blah, I had a great day but you don't really want to read all my gushing.  What really got me thinking about Birthdays was an exchange I had with Evelyn tonight.  Evelyn's pregnancy was the only time I was pregnant through the summer.  It shouldn't have been a big deal as she was born in late November and I shouldn't have been "huge" pregnant during the hottest months of the year.  Well, that was a lovely theory, but it was 90+ degrees well into October that year.  I don' t think I let Matt take the air conditioner out until November.  So, needless to say, Evelyn is the only fall baby.  Her siblings' birthdays come in March, April, and May and then the poor child has to wait until November for her birthday to arrive.  To make her feel better about this fact, I have been telling her that her birthday is after Mommy's and it's in a special time of year.  Tonight as I was tucking her in to bed she was so excited and I quickly realized that she thought her birthday was DIRECTLY AFTER mine....like, tomorrow.  I had to explain that it was in the next month.  Oh boy, poor child was crushed.  She just cried and cried.  Thankfully, I had Matt on speaker phone and he started telling her how it couldn't be tomorrow because we needed time to buy all her presents.  (Note to self: she may need extra presents.)


I do feel for her as she has patiently waited through all of her siblings' and cousins' birthdays for her's to arrive.  I suppose I should consider this when "planning" (yeah, right) the next child.  She should have someone to wait with her.


Here I've been, whining about my birthday and poor Evelyn's can't come soon enough.  I guess perspective has a lot to do with it.  I think both Evelyn and I are OK now!  Thank God for birthdays and special people to share them with!!     :-)

Confession

OK, I have a confession to make.  I hate fasting.  I know that no one LOVES fasting, but I really HATE fasting.  Fasting makes me angry.  I can only remember a handful of times in my life where I really felt that a fast was profitable.  The most vivid one in my memory was a day long fast that we did while I was on my mission trip to England.  I felt very close to God that day and it wasn’t a struggle.  We just all did it.  Every other fast that I’ve participated in I have done out of obedience to the person in authority who has called the fast.  (Although, I’m not sure how much good it did me seeing as I was angry most of the time.)

So, in my head, I know that fasting is depriving ourselves of something so that we have to rely on God to meet our needs and that it is supposed to bring us closer to Him.  Where I get into trouble is that my heart thinks that it is extremely works based.  Kind of like a hunger strike to get God to do what we want.  I don’t like that.  No matter how much I know of the real reason, I can’t shake my feelings on the issue.  Maybe it makes me so angry because I feel like my life is sacrifice enough.  I don’t mean that in a whiny way, but as a statement of fact.  I have lived the majority the last 2 ½ years without my husband around so that we can follow the calling that God has given to us.  We live on loans without money for extras, have debt up to our eyeballs, and I rarely get quality time with my man.  Again, not whining, I was there when the decision was made, but come on, now you want me to give up FOOD TOO!

Here we are on the eve of another fast, during a week where I have two birthday parties to attend.  (However it does just miss my birthday.  Thanks God!)  There is a real part of me that doesn’t want to move beyond the desire to blow it off.  Here’s the catch.  There is an even bigger part of me that wants to know what God has for me and to know Him deeper.  I fully believe that we are designed to show the world what the promises of God look like in action.  We are overcomers and heirs to the promise.  And the only way to get there is to “throw the door open” and get into God’s presence.  (Alas, that probably includes fasting.) 

So that’s where you come in.  I know that lots of my friends are Believers who have valuable insight into life with Christ.  I want to hear your feelings on fasting because bottom line, I get angry enough, I don’t need to be angry with God too.  He’s got gifts waiting for me and I just have to get close enough to take hold of them.