How Does My Garden Grow?

My pastor talked about gardening today and it made me think. Basically, he was talking about how he thought he had bad soil because he hadn’t had much success growing plants in his garden. But then he was talking to a gentleman who began telling him how any soil can be good soil, you just have to dig it up, till it, work it, and sometimes add things to it until it becomes good soil. Then my pastor began relating it to our spiritual lives. Sometimes to get things to take root in our hearts we need to till it up. After all, our hearts can become hard rather quickly, at least mine can.

But this analogy didn’t stop there for me. I began thinking about the gardens that Matt and I use. We have two gardens, one behind our house that we dug and tilled ourselves, and another one at his grandparents’ house. This garden has been used for years and years and is extremely fertile. The first year we planted the garden behind our house it really didn’t do too well but the first year we planted at his grandparents’ house we got a bumper crop. Now that it’s been 5 years or so the garden behind our house has done much better. Last year we had so many green beans that we are still eating from the ones I canned. And of course the garden at his grandparents’ house is still doing well. As I was thinking about our natural gardens God made a connection for me. Matt’s grandparents’, by tilling and planting and working their garden, have made it not only beneficial for themselves but for their grandchildren. They have also “worked” their hearts and left a Godly heritage for their children and grandchildren. My parents and Matt’s parents have also left Godly and fertile soil for their children to plant in.

I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in ourselves…what works for me, how it affects me, whether I want to or not, that we forget we’re planting a garden for our children. My children will either benefit or be hindered by my “garden.”

Let’s face it, tilling, planting, weeding, etc. can be work but the end is extremely worth it and once we have invested in the first few years of work we really don’t have to work that hard anymore. The ground has been loosened; the old plants that we’ve tilled back into the ground have added nutrients. We don’t have to go back in and scrape all the grass off the top. Also, from experience, I know that the more you weed one year, the less you have to do the next. I want my life to be like that. I want to let God work in my heart not only for my benefit but so that I leave a heritage of fertile, soft soil for my children.

The next time I’m tempted to stuff that emotion or that anger. The next time I’m tempted to ignore the problem and hope it goes away, I hope to take a step back and look. If I deal with it now will my kids not have to? If I learn to trust God and His work in my heart, I am leaving that experience to my children because they will see the process and remember. Pulling a weed now is always easier than pulling it later.

Confession

OK, I have a confession to make.  I hate fasting.  I know that no one LOVES fasting, but I really HATE fasting.  Fasting makes me angry.  I can only remember a handful of times in my life where I really felt that a fast was profitable.  The most vivid one in my memory was a day long fast that we did while I was on my mission trip to England.  I felt very close to God that day and it wasn’t a struggle.  We just all did it.  Every other fast that I’ve participated in I have done out of obedience to the person in authority who has called the fast.  (Although, I’m not sure how much good it did me seeing as I was angry most of the time.)

So, in my head, I know that fasting is depriving ourselves of something so that we have to rely on God to meet our needs and that it is supposed to bring us closer to Him.  Where I get into trouble is that my heart thinks that it is extremely works based.  Kind of like a hunger strike to get God to do what we want.  I don’t like that.  No matter how much I know of the real reason, I can’t shake my feelings on the issue.  Maybe it makes me so angry because I feel like my life is sacrifice enough.  I don’t mean that in a whiny way, but as a statement of fact.  I have lived the majority the last 2 ½ years without my husband around so that we can follow the calling that God has given to us.  We live on loans without money for extras, have debt up to our eyeballs, and I rarely get quality time with my man.  Again, not whining, I was there when the decision was made, but come on, now you want me to give up FOOD TOO!

Here we are on the eve of another fast, during a week where I have two birthday parties to attend.  (However it does just miss my birthday.  Thanks God!)  There is a real part of me that doesn’t want to move beyond the desire to blow it off.  Here’s the catch.  There is an even bigger part of me that wants to know what God has for me and to know Him deeper.  I fully believe that we are designed to show the world what the promises of God look like in action.  We are overcomers and heirs to the promise.  And the only way to get there is to “throw the door open” and get into God’s presence.  (Alas, that probably includes fasting.) 

So that’s where you come in.  I know that lots of my friends are Believers who have valuable insight into life with Christ.  I want to hear your feelings on fasting because bottom line, I get angry enough, I don’t need to be angry with God too.  He’s got gifts waiting for me and I just have to get close enough to take hold of them.