Confession

OK, I have a confession to make.  I hate fasting.  I know that no one LOVES fasting, but I really HATE fasting.  Fasting makes me angry.  I can only remember a handful of times in my life where I really felt that a fast was profitable.  The most vivid one in my memory was a day long fast that we did while I was on my mission trip to England.  I felt very close to God that day and it wasn’t a struggle.  We just all did it.  Every other fast that I’ve participated in I have done out of obedience to the person in authority who has called the fast.  (Although, I’m not sure how much good it did me seeing as I was angry most of the time.)

So, in my head, I know that fasting is depriving ourselves of something so that we have to rely on God to meet our needs and that it is supposed to bring us closer to Him.  Where I get into trouble is that my heart thinks that it is extremely works based.  Kind of like a hunger strike to get God to do what we want.  I don’t like that.  No matter how much I know of the real reason, I can’t shake my feelings on the issue.  Maybe it makes me so angry because I feel like my life is sacrifice enough.  I don’t mean that in a whiny way, but as a statement of fact.  I have lived the majority the last 2 ½ years without my husband around so that we can follow the calling that God has given to us.  We live on loans without money for extras, have debt up to our eyeballs, and I rarely get quality time with my man.  Again, not whining, I was there when the decision was made, but come on, now you want me to give up FOOD TOO!

Here we are on the eve of another fast, during a week where I have two birthday parties to attend.  (However it does just miss my birthday.  Thanks God!)  There is a real part of me that doesn’t want to move beyond the desire to blow it off.  Here’s the catch.  There is an even bigger part of me that wants to know what God has for me and to know Him deeper.  I fully believe that we are designed to show the world what the promises of God look like in action.  We are overcomers and heirs to the promise.  And the only way to get there is to “throw the door open” and get into God’s presence.  (Alas, that probably includes fasting.) 

So that’s where you come in.  I know that lots of my friends are Believers who have valuable insight into life with Christ.  I want to hear your feelings on fasting because bottom line, I get angry enough, I don’t need to be angry with God too.  He’s got gifts waiting for me and I just have to get close enough to take hold of them.