We have been dealing with a stomach bug at the Widmer house
this week and it’s a doozy. My youngest vomited for 6 days and my youngest son
is now on his second day. Add to that a husband who worked two jobs all weekend,
an ink pen exploding in the dryer, and a broken prong/lost diamond in my
wedding ring, and I kind of want to run away.
In the middle of a conversation with someone about my week,
(thank God for electronic forms of communication keeping you sane while stuck
in the house), she said, “You need a spa day after all that vomit,” and I
thought, “You know what? I think you’re right!” That thought had never occurred
to me before but it has stuck with me providing both excitement and
uncertainty.
April 9, 2014, I miscarried our sixth child. Honestly, it
wasn’t the worst thing in the whole world. I wasn’t very far along and
logically I knew that when that happens it’s usually for a reason. Still, I was
sad and Matt had to go to Erie, PA the next day. I didn’t like the prospect of
being alone so we decided that I would leave the kids with a sitter and go with
him. It was at a time in our lives where we couldn’t afford a whole lot but I decided
that while he did whatever it was he needed to do, I was going to go get a
manicure/pedicure. It was $50 and I put it on a credit card. (I bet Dave Ramsey
is rolling in his….recliner in his million-dollar mansion.) Then I took myself
to lunch at Panera with a book and regrouped. It was lovely, perfect, and
exactly what I needed. When I look back at that time I think of that day first.
I remember all the bad and scary stuff but also that I took some time to heal
and process and thus it’s much less traumatic than it could have been.
I allowed myself that “splurge” because a miscarriage was a “big
deal”. I gave myself permission to feel and regroup and spend a little on myself
to carry on. It probably wasn’t so much the money, but the time alone. Then I think
about my week and I question. Is this a “big deal”? Does this “qualify” me
needing time away? Does it make me a weenie to need it? Don’t laugh at that
last one. I have certain rules for myself so I can’t be viewed as a wimp, but
that’s a whole ‘nother post.
Does my week…or however long it ends up being…allow me to be
justified in spending that money? Thanks to the grace of God and my husband’s
work ethic I’d no longer have to put that money on a credit card but is money
spent on me for “relaxation” justifiable? Seriously, don’t laugh, I’m thinking
these things even though as I write them it sounds ridiculous. My motto to my children
has always been, “People before things” and Matt and I have always lived with
the viewpoint that people are more important than money. (Everybody calm down,
I’m not talking about not paying our bills to spend money frivolously) But we’ve
stretched our very tight budget to donate to those in need or buy an extravagant
gift for someone just because we knew it was important.
But I’m not altogether sure that I apply this same principle
to myself. In fact, I know I don’t.
We are looking at Matt deploying later this year and me
being single parenting for 4 months. It’s a daunting thought and I’ve been
asking God to begin preparing our family for this, to give us strategies to not
just make it through, but to thrive. What if this is one of them? What if I
need to allow myself to take time to regroup occasionally? I have been known to
scoff at “me time” but I’m starting to think that was wrong.
I think I’m going to plan a spa day when everyone is healthy…not
because I NEED to, but because it’ll be good for me. After I’m done holding puke
buckets I get to look forward to more than laundry!
What do you think? Do you think that time to regroup is
important and what does that look like for you?
